Mall Fashion Police
Don’t the people who get paid tremendous amounts of money to predict and put in place the next trend know that not just the sleek and svelte are going to adopt the latest fashion? Fatties are going to want to look like their thinner friends and are going to try to wear the latest skin tight, flesh exposing, bump accenting cloths that their thinner sisters are thinking are all the rage this season.
There outta be a law.
I think we need Mall Fashion Police. Every Mall around the country should be forced to hire at least two gay men to enforce common sense in the public gathering places of youth.
These MFPs should have the right to interrupt the fun and mating rituals of young women (And men) to enforce taste and common decency in public. I can see it now:
MFP, “Excuse me, could we have a word with you?”
FC (Fashion Criminal), “Uh, sure. Like, what’s wrong?”
MFP, “Well, darling, we were just thinking that you are a bit large for the pants and top you have on.”
FC, “Like, what do you mean?”
MFP, “What we mean is that your belly is hanging over the top of your pants and your top is so tight we can read the tag on your teatbags.”
FC, “But, like, this is the latest fashion! I just bought it!”
MFP, “Honey, that outfit is just wayyyy too small for a girl your size. You look like you are gonna bust out of that thing, and lady, we really don’t want to see that happen. Your cottage cheese thighs go all the way to your neck. If that outfit busts a seam it would look like a dairy exploded in here.”
FC (Beginning to cry), “But, like, I just bought it! The lady at, like, the store said I looked HOT! And all the boys have been looking at me.”
MFP, “The only way that look is hot is if you are trying to mate with a whale or polar bear. You just waddle your fat ass back to that store, demand your money back, and buy something that leaves a little more to the imagination. (Like a tarp.) The boys have been looking at you because they have never seen a peek-a-boo sausage skin cover a sofa before. If you go right now, then I won’t have to write you a ticket.”
Please help enforce common sense in clothing. Talk to your Mall Manager about the MFP program.
There outta be a law.
I think we need Mall Fashion Police. Every Mall around the country should be forced to hire at least two gay men to enforce common sense in the public gathering places of youth.
These MFPs should have the right to interrupt the fun and mating rituals of young women (And men) to enforce taste and common decency in public. I can see it now:
MFP, “Excuse me, could we have a word with you?”
FC (Fashion Criminal), “Uh, sure. Like, what’s wrong?”
MFP, “Well, darling, we were just thinking that you are a bit large for the pants and top you have on.”
FC, “Like, what do you mean?”
MFP, “What we mean is that your belly is hanging over the top of your pants and your top is so tight we can read the tag on your teatbags.”
FC, “But, like, this is the latest fashion! I just bought it!”
MFP, “Honey, that outfit is just wayyyy too small for a girl your size. You look like you are gonna bust out of that thing, and lady, we really don’t want to see that happen. Your cottage cheese thighs go all the way to your neck. If that outfit busts a seam it would look like a dairy exploded in here.”
FC (Beginning to cry), “But, like, I just bought it! The lady at, like, the store said I looked HOT! And all the boys have been looking at me.”
MFP, “The only way that look is hot is if you are trying to mate with a whale or polar bear. You just waddle your fat ass back to that store, demand your money back, and buy something that leaves a little more to the imagination. (Like a tarp.) The boys have been looking at you because they have never seen a peek-a-boo sausage skin cover a sofa before. If you go right now, then I won’t have to write you a ticket.”
Please help enforce common sense in clothing. Talk to your Mall Manager about the MFP program.
posted by MizfiTroll at 6:15 AM
1 Comments:
I am totally offended by this blog!
At least women can color coordinate!!!!!
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