Like we NEED a new conspiracy....

Road construction seems to be the great American hobby, with renewing roads going on everywhere, slowing us down and taking up precious time in our daily commute.

I, however, am convinced that there is another reason this rampant recreation is going on, Aliens. We are living witness to the coming end of humanity. I don’t know when, but I see the writing on the wall.

As the innocent and unknowing persons who actually build our highways do their daily job, they are unknowingly placing dormant eggs into the concrete, where they can stay protected for as long as it takes to mature. I am certain that everyone has seen those green cylinder looking things that go into the concrete on little wire racks before the great mucking concrete spreader covers them. Those are Alien eggs, hidden from prying eyes until the time of The Hatching.

They tell us that those green dowels are put there to make the highway stronger, but I think that they have been brainwashed. How in hell could a little green thing make the road stronger? It is not as though they are all held together in a long flexible net, they are just placed every so often, like marbles on a tile floor.

All those orange plastic looking barrels are actually Alien observation systems, placed there to monitor the progress of the mobile meat puppets that are hiding their precious offspring to be. They are also used to monitor the habits of the native life forms, namely us. They are in a perfect place to see humanity in its natural state, then the natives are protected by steel and glass cages and thinking they are unwatched and cannot be harmed.

I imagine a time in the future when all these eggs hatch. Roads crumbling before our eyes, tendrils/claws emerging from the disintegrating concrete to grab passers by for their first meal in their new home. Millions of scampering aliens, genetically engineered to live on our planet, leaving the destroyed highways to hunt for food.

America would be a total wreck in hours, roads destroyed and voters being eaten at an astonishing rate. The infrastructure collapses, communications destroyed by ravenous
critters that eat flesh and steel.

The Hatching will be remembered in the archives of the Aliens, their greatest and easiest defeat of another planet. “The natives never knew what hit them.”

Dear Reader, help save humanity from this terrible defeat. Please tell your friends, spread the word of this evil plot. We should stand against the evil eaters of flesh and steel. Plan now against the day of The Hatching. We can, we MUST defeat them, throw their lifeless corpses into our landfills and use their exoskeletons for lampshades and satellite dishes.

Now that we are aware of this evil plot, we can protect ourselves and prevent this tragedy. Send a signal to the alien observers, steal orange barrels and put them in front of your TV on the History channel. That way those evil bastards can see what we do to the ENEMY. If we can do that stuff to ourselves, just imaging what we will do to THEM. Tell your orange barrel tales of torture and chasing another alien civilization across light years to exterminate then for accidentally killing the Dodo bird and the passenger pigeon.

Show your orange barrel guns and films of atomic weapons. Put Starship Troopers on the DVD player for days at a time. Tell them that our science fiction movies from the 50’s are actually documentaries and that we always win against the alien hoards

If we can lie to them enough, we can scare the alien snot equivalent from them and get them to leave us alone.

Act now to save humanity.

Protest THIS war, Cindy Sheehan!!