Gnomes again

Those damn Gnomes are back.

It all started last night when I heard this impossibly high scream outside my Doghouse. I thought someone was dying a horrible death by being skinned alive with hot butter knives.

It was just the Gnomes throw a party on my patio.

I don’t know what it is with them. They can seem to sniff out a Troll from across town and track one down over rivers and glaciers. They love tormenting my kind.

The horrible screams that I heard was a Gnomette expressing her delight at being teased about the size of her elbows. Her laughter could hit the kind of notes that makes dogs howl.

They were collected around a fire on my patio, burning the hair off a bunny, drinking like sailors just back from a year at sea, and all trying to get in the pants (or lack of) of Gnomette of the Large Elbows.

I slammed open my front door hoping to scare them, but was met with indifference. One actually muttered, “Bout time we got you up.”

I yelled at them, I threw things at them, I poured water on their fire, and threw the dead bunny body over the fence. They laughed at me. I turned on Air America. They put in earplugs.

I went back into the Doghouse and got one of my favorite condiments, Pedro Caliente’s Habanero Hotsauce, a real five alarm taste treat if ever there was one.

I started sprinkling it over the dancing Gnomes, anointing their dirty little heads and shoulders with the fluid of fiery foods.

As soon as the first drop hit one in the eye, all hell broke loose. They were running away like illegal aliens after hearing a cry of, ”Immigration!”

I am sure they will be back.