I am not yet dead.

I know, I know.  I have been disappeared for a while.

I am going to blame it on those damn gnomes. They managed to get me thrown out of the RV park.

They stole all the things at White Trash Man’s place and put them under the Doghouse, making it look like I stole it. Even worse, making it look like I am a really stupid thief by not actually hiding anything.

I am certain that they were greatly entertained by this joke.

I know that the park manager and his live-in tattooed temptress did not think it was funny.

As a peace offering to the Gnomes, I left behind six bottles of beer when I left in the dead of night, each one with enough poison inside to kill a small mule.

I hope they have a good time celebrating.

I went from there to Oklahoma, where the Internet is something only weird people or aliens from outer space might want. Needless to say, there was none to be found in the town in which I was staying.

I have developed a theory that there is a relationship between Internet fear and mullets. I have observed that the more mullets in a given area, the more restricted and slower the Internet access.

There you have it.