ZappO!

If I could have anything in the world, I would want a device that would make people smarter. Lets call this imaginary device, “ZappO!”.

ZappO! is about the size of a remote control and you just point it at the stupid person that just sneezed on the scrambled eggs in the lovely breakfast buffet that you have been looking forward to all week and suddenly make them realize what an ass they really are.

The effects would wear off in just a few seconds, just long enough for them to feel as though they have had an epiphany, than go back to being oblivious to the world around them. ZappO! would be a short, sharp, mental stimulant that increases awareness for about 5 to 10 seconds before wearing off. Kind of like a slap in the face, but less painful.

It would be even better if ZappO! would work from your car. Then when that stupid bastard makes a right turn from the left lane right in front of you, you could hit him with the device and maybe he would feel like the asshole he is instead of feeling like he just got away with something.

This device needs to be affordable, but not too affordable. It should cost at least $300. Then not just every sewer rat and mouth breather would have one.

ZappO! would be great to have when the 15 year old semi retarded checkout girl at the market can’t figure out how to work the machine that scans your purchase. You could just zap her with your ZappO! and get on with your day.

ZappO! would also be handy to have when the old lady in the supermarket whips out her change purse and checkbook in the 10 items or less line when there are thirty people in line behind her. One blast from the ZappO! and she would pay with paper money or plastic instead of wasting everyone’s time by searching for that lost nickel from 1973 or trying to find her special check writing pen that her late husband gave her over two decades ago.

I would use my ZappO! on fellow workers that think I actually have time to waste on their stupid questions like, “Is it OK if I go to the outhouse?” or “Will you explain again how I am supposed to do the same thing that I have been doing all week?”

I would probably burn that damn thing out before lunch.

But it would be worth it.