Big Truck
I went out to the little car this morning in order to get my ass to work and was met with a stony silence when I turned the key.
“Dammit!”
I tried fiddling with several things until I realized that I could fiddle my way into being late for work. We can’t have that.
Fortunately I am not without resources. I decided to take the BIG TRUCK.
The BIG TRUCK is the 4-wheel drive behemoth that I use to pull the Dog House from job to job. It is a powerhouse with 10 cylinders and a desire to guzzle gasoline by the gallon. It also is a picky eater that will only consume the more expensive blends of gasoline. “None of that regular, no thank you, just give me premium and keep her coming!”
It also has one of those fancy gasoline computers that will tell you your present gas mileage in real time just at the push of a button. I think of it as a kind of interactive game where my goal is to get the highest score possible. I can get over 20 miles per gallon going downhill with a tail wind and throwing rocks off the back. It usually gets about 12 to 14 miles per gallon when I drive like a human and stay in the drivers seat.
Mrs. Troll appreciates the power of this beast and sometimes goes for the low score.
Me, “Five miles per gallon? What in hell were you doing? I can get better than that pulling the Dog House uphill into the wind!”
Her, “It’s really got a lot of power, you know? (HEAVY SIGH) How do you reset that damn computer again?”
So now I am trying to get the StepTroll to stop on his way home from football practice and buy me a part that might fix the little car.
If he doesn’t I will soon be riding my bicycle 27 miles each way to work because I can’t afford to drive.
“Dammit!”
I tried fiddling with several things until I realized that I could fiddle my way into being late for work. We can’t have that.
Fortunately I am not without resources. I decided to take the BIG TRUCK.
The BIG TRUCK is the 4-wheel drive behemoth that I use to pull the Dog House from job to job. It is a powerhouse with 10 cylinders and a desire to guzzle gasoline by the gallon. It also is a picky eater that will only consume the more expensive blends of gasoline. “None of that regular, no thank you, just give me premium and keep her coming!”
It also has one of those fancy gasoline computers that will tell you your present gas mileage in real time just at the push of a button. I think of it as a kind of interactive game where my goal is to get the highest score possible. I can get over 20 miles per gallon going downhill with a tail wind and throwing rocks off the back. It usually gets about 12 to 14 miles per gallon when I drive like a human and stay in the drivers seat.
Mrs. Troll appreciates the power of this beast and sometimes goes for the low score.
Me, “Five miles per gallon? What in hell were you doing? I can get better than that pulling the Dog House uphill into the wind!”
Her, “It’s really got a lot of power, you know? (HEAVY SIGH) How do you reset that damn computer again?”
So now I am trying to get the StepTroll to stop on his way home from football practice and buy me a part that might fix the little car.
If he doesn’t I will soon be riding my bicycle 27 miles each way to work because I can’t afford to drive.
posted by MizfiTroll at 3:47 AM
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