Sunday, January 21, 2007

In the bedroom.

I have always been somewhat picky about what goes on in the bedroom.

Not that way…….pervert….(Well, maybe.)

I just have always considered the bedroom to be a place of sleeping, reading, making love, and hiding things from the children.

The Mrs. sees the bedroom as a place for relaxation of any kind and the bed as a sort of padded play area for man and beasts. I think that if we had a hot tub she would want it in the bedroom right next to the bed so she could just jump out of the tub and into bed without all that mucking about with towels and things.

She also likes to watch TV in bed. This is something that can make me nuts because the yelling and sirens from that tiny speaker disturb my humble slumber. She refuses to wear headphones, so I end up wearing earplugs while she converses with the characters on the small screen and gasps when the plot thickens and cries when they set the monkeys free. (The monkeys are a whole post in themselves.)

She reads in bed, but this does not bother me. I consider reading in bed as natural as eating cookies or looking at pretty women with large breasts.

We have a phone next to the bed. (On her side) We have a “no calls after 8 o’clock” rule that no one pays any attention to. Someday *I* am going to answer the phone at 9 PM and say something along the lines of, “If this is not an important call, and by important call I mean important to me, then please be prepared to be scolded and maybe even yelled at for being an inconsiderate asshole.”

In order to go back to sleep after being disturbed, I often imagine myself turning on the TV at 4 AM and eating breakfast in bed. A big honking breakfast of eggs, bacon, and pancakes would be good. Slurping my coffee and dropping greasy grits on the sheets would certainly make a statement.

But by morning I have regained my sanity and rejected the idea. If I ever did anything like that I would be wearing breakfast, cleaning the bed, and sleeping in the doghouse until I got her to forgive me or hell froze over. (Which ever came first.)

Frankly, if I were ever stupid enough to do such a thing, I would be searching hopefully for the expiration date for hell…..

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This blog falls under...."those words are fighting words!"
You may be finding that experation date sooner than you think....

8:08 AM  

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