The terrors of toilet paper

Hotel toilet paper has to be some of the nastiest stuff in the world.

In my work I use sandpaper that is smoother than this paper. I would estimate hotel paper to be roughly the equivalent of 400 grit sandpaper. I think they give us this paper to prevent hemorrhoids. (Because it sands the offending flesh away.)

I have noticed that every hotel/motel seems to use the same grade or brand of toilet paper. (POM 400) My imagination tells me that it is to get us used to the nasty stuff in case of a toilet paper shortage like the gas crisis in the 70’s, or in case we are suddenly taken over by the commies and industry is run by the government.

“Toilet paper shortage threatens world peace. More at 11.”

We all act like assholes, so I think that we should be nice to the ‘secret sphincter’ and treat it with a certain loving care. This care should include soft toilet paper and the occasional treatment with an appropriate lotion.

I am sure that your asshole will thank you.

And if in fact your asshole starts talking to you, please seek professional help ASAP.