Imaginary radio
Excerpts from an imaginary radio show that popped into my twisted brain after hearing an advertisement for the ‘Dr. Laura’ show ;
The Doctor Larry Shitslinger Show On Cerberus satellite radio channel 666…..
“Hi caller.”
“Hi Doctor Larry. Thanks for taking my call.”
“Yeah. It’s kinda what we do here. Without your call we would just be talking to the voices in my head, and that is not entertainment. Now, what can we do for you? Do you want to sleep with your mom or household pet, sell your wife into white slavery, or drink the warm blood from chickens?”
“Uh…no.”
“Then why are you calling, caller?”
“Well, it’s a long story.”
(Yelling)“Then now is the time to start, dammit! This is a radio show!”
“It’s about my mom…”
“Now that’s more like it! The listeners want to hear more about your mom. Lots more about your Mom. Did she beat you with dirty sweat-soaked socks or do revolting things to your sexual organs while giving you a bath?”
“Uh…no.”
(Yelling)“Then let’s get with it! What about your mom?”
“Well, she has been having problems.”
“What kind of problems? Is she unable to evacuate unless there is a dwarf in the room, recurring nightmares of being eaten by clowns, post traumatic stress disorder from being beaten by your father for not satisfying his desire to have sex with common barnyard animals?”
“Uh….no.
(Yelling)“Then what is it? Time is wasting!”
“She seems to have an unhealthy relationship with food.”
“Great! I like the sound of that. When you say ‘unhealthy relationship’, do you mean that you caught her pleasuring herself with a vegetable or that she is talking to pork chops like they are dead relatives?”
“Uh…no. She just eats too much.”
(Screaming now)“Then just take her food away, asshole! Why do people like you call with this kinda stupid shit? The answer is OBVIOUS! This is Entertainment, not just a forum to let you express your inner stupid! I can’t be entertaining and morally superior when you are calling in with lame shit like this! Give me something I can work with! I have a career to think of, you know!”
“Time for a commercial. (Pause) Jesus, Larry, why did you let that one get through?”
Click
The Doctor Larry Shitslinger Show On Cerberus satellite radio channel 666…..
“Hi caller.”
“Hi Doctor Larry. Thanks for taking my call.”
“Yeah. It’s kinda what we do here. Without your call we would just be talking to the voices in my head, and that is not entertainment. Now, what can we do for you? Do you want to sleep with your mom or household pet, sell your wife into white slavery, or drink the warm blood from chickens?”
“Uh…no.”
“Then why are you calling, caller?”
“Well, it’s a long story.”
(Yelling)“Then now is the time to start, dammit! This is a radio show!”
“It’s about my mom…”
“Now that’s more like it! The listeners want to hear more about your mom. Lots more about your Mom. Did she beat you with dirty sweat-soaked socks or do revolting things to your sexual organs while giving you a bath?”
“Uh…no.”
(Yelling)“Then let’s get with it! What about your mom?”
“Well, she has been having problems.”
“What kind of problems? Is she unable to evacuate unless there is a dwarf in the room, recurring nightmares of being eaten by clowns, post traumatic stress disorder from being beaten by your father for not satisfying his desire to have sex with common barnyard animals?”
“Uh….no.
(Yelling)“Then what is it? Time is wasting!”
“She seems to have an unhealthy relationship with food.”
“Great! I like the sound of that. When you say ‘unhealthy relationship’, do you mean that you caught her pleasuring herself with a vegetable or that she is talking to pork chops like they are dead relatives?”
“Uh…no. She just eats too much.”
(Screaming now)“Then just take her food away, asshole! Why do people like you call with this kinda stupid shit? The answer is OBVIOUS! This is Entertainment, not just a forum to let you express your inner stupid! I can’t be entertaining and morally superior when you are calling in with lame shit like this! Give me something I can work with! I have a career to think of, you know!”
“Time for a commercial. (Pause) Jesus, Larry, why did you let that one get through?”
Click
posted by MizfiTroll at 4:20 PM
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