All creatures make merry

I think I will go all out for Christmas decorations this year.

We have never really decorated the Trollhouse and it’s about time I addressed this issue and did the deed.

I have plans. Real plans for the lighting and the decorations that will make this house the envy of all the neighbors.

I am reconstructing one of those wire lawn deer with lights to look like a dying Rudolph, gut shot and bleeding out his life in red twinkle lights while kicking his death dance instead of bobbing his head like that lame ass grazing deer most people put in their yards.

A brightly lit Santa blasted from the roof is my idea of Christmas cheer. Sound effect gunshots and screams will delight all the neighbors. A loud dull thud at the end will help make the illusion more memorable.

A plywood cutout of a hunter taking out the red nosed deer and his master with a large caliber rifle shall be placed on the roof to make the illusion complete. (Including simulated muzzle flash and recoil.)

I won’t describe my particularly tasteless nativity scene, but let me assure you that it should offend just about everyone. (Let me hint that the wise men may have been wise, but even wise men have needs.)

To top the whole thing off, I am going to do a twinkle light single finger salute on the garage door that flashes only every five seconds to give it the full effect.

A lighted tree is deemed necessary, so I have a plan to turn the tree upside down, literally, suspending it from the power line feeding the house just in case someone would want to steal it. Nothing says Christmas like fried thief on a burned, lighted stick.

I bought one of those huge snow globes that are on the market this year, but simply HAD to get inside and see what makes it work. So while I was there I changed the scene inside to Santa performing a vivisection on good ol’ Frosty with blood and gore in full color. (I must say that I am particularly proud of the look of anguish that I got on ol’ Frosty face.) Just for contrast I made all his insides red. (I always have had a thing for red blood on stark white snow. Maybe I was a baby seal clubber in a past life. I also appreciate the lifelike texture that raw liver gives to any scene.)

And last but not least, a banner with my new holiday slogan;

ALL CREATURES MAKE MERRY UNDER PENALTY OF GUILT