Cats

Considering the troubles that I have with Gnomes while I am on the road, you might wonder how I keep the annoying critters at bay when I am at Sanctuary.

I keep cats

Yep. I have a couple or three cats that keep Gnomes away. Cats can see Gnomes in all their guises and hate them even more than I do. Gnomes are generally larger than cats but I have never met a self-respecting cat that can’t kick a Gnome’s ass in an unfair fight. (Gnomes avoid any fight that is not heavily in their favor and still lose more often than they admit.)

Did you ever wonder what your cat is staring at when it has been intently watching that corner of the living room for hours? Did you ever wonder what the cat is doing when it is running around the house for no apparent reason like it has a rocket engine shoved up it’s butt.

It’s the Gnomes. Cats have been genetically engineered by the aliens-that-are-watching-our-every-move to see Gnomes in any guise and stalk them relentlessly.

I don’t travel with a cat because it’s not fair to the cat. Changing homes every few months pisses a cat off and a pissed off cat pisses on things just to let you know that it is pissed. (They can’t talk and they can’t type worth the shit, although mine try, but the results are cryptic at best.)

Sanctuary is safe inside, but the cats can’t keep the drunken bastards from raising hell outdoors. (Literally. Hell is now closer to us than ever before. If you don’t believe me, go to Brownsville Texas.)