Scrotum of the Goat Eater

There are a lot of weird tales of New Mexico, but some of the strangest are the tales of the Goat Eater.

The Goat Eater is a creature known to most New Mexicans. He is used as a cautionary tale for young children and wayward husbands. He is most commonly called “Chupacabra”.

Here is a tale of the Goat Eater (We will just call him Chewy) that is lesser known but still is heard now and again when young women are looking for love with all the wrong species.

Chewy was a sad and lonely soul. There is not much company for fictional creatures in New Mexico and the creatures themselves tend to stay away from one another because they all suffer from differences of opinion about whether the other actually exists. (Needless to say, these creatures could really benefit from some intense therapy.)

All the animals were afraid of him and would run away as fast as possible when he was around. This made Chewy feel sad and alone. It is his own fault, however, because he has this tendency to break apart and eat all manner of creatures.

That’s why, when a moth started living in his pubic area, he did not chase it away, but helped the flying critter settle in and made a pet of it. Chewy called it Morth and fed it things that moths like to eat and would lay still for hours at a time in order to not disturb his new friend.

Soon, Morth the Moth told his moth friends about his new place, and they came over to check things out and see if he was making up tales of such a swell deal. He was not. The other moths began to hang out and soon were having drunken moth parties and living it up in Chewy’s pubic hair.

We all know what happens at drunken parties; all creatures great and small get a little wild and fornicate, and fornicate they did. Soon Chewy had a whole new generation of little hungry moth mouths to feed. The young ones, not knowing what a sweet deal they had and being voracious as well, soon began eating the flesh around Chewy’ scrotum, and before you could say, “What in the name of all that is holy to moth mouths” they had eaten completely around Chewy’s scrotum and it fell off!

Now, fictional creatures are not like us, and when something falls off their bodies it can continue to live and can begin on a life of its own, creating mayhem and confusion. That is exactly what happened to Chewy’s scrotum.

To this day, tales of the crotch of the goat eater are used as excuses why women become pregnant. They blame it on the wandering scrotum and say that it molested them late at night. Many a marriage has been saved by Chewy’s wandering groin.

Chewy still lives on in the minds eye of many New Mexicans. He is needed by all those lost souls that suddenly need a father for their unborn children or a reason that all the money is gone.