ZappO! Revisited

I have had quite a reaction to the ZappO! idea.

(That means that someone actually saw fit to comment. That is a big deal on this blog. I seldom get comments.)

Thank you for that positive response. If I am ever in a position to invent such a thing I certainly will. In the meantime it will just have to be a good dream to have when the ignorant demonstrate their inalienable right to be annoying and oblivious.

I did miss one thing in the naming of the ZappO! It dawned on me later that it would be better expressed as Zapp OH!

With a name like that I could become the next Ron Popeil, shilling badly made products on that morphine of the masses, television.

I could be as rich as Gates and as popular as Brattany.

Instead I will settle for being a curmudgeonly ol’ bastard with a writing habit.

Literacy

I was pondering what it means to read and write.

It is not just words in a row. It is the sharing of points of view, the creation of history, the making something real out of the thin fog that we call ideas.

To put words on paper or even a computer file is making them something more than a state of mind. It is turning ideas into a reality that is not subject to the whims of human memory.

Literacy is a sense of permanence. It is a way to make today last forever. It is a photograph for ideas. It is memory that does not change and an idea not forgotten. Literacy is our tomorrow.

I know people that are what I call “functionally illiterate”, those that can read the words and make sentences from them, but fall short of actually comprehending the meanings and the ‘voice’ that is being put before them. They are unable to wrap their brains around the actual ideas. It is just too much work.

American education often falls short in this fundamental skill; actually teaching literacy. I don’t blame the system. I think a child has to want to learn to read. You can lead a child to knowledge, but you can’t make him think.

I have often said that if a child can learn to read, write, and do arithmetic he or she has the building blocks to learn anything. These three fundamental skills open the door to all knowledge that humans have acquired and the ability to create more.

Without literacy, a person lives in a deep hole of ignorance, forever limited by the depth of the hole and its steep, slippery sides.

In a sense, we are all limited by our view of the world around us and the depth of our understanding. When one is literate, he/she can be in places that are distant and strange and learn points of view that would not otherwise be experienced. To be literate is the ability to experience things out of your normal realm of existence.

Thus my musings take me to a dark place, a feeling that most Americans and most of the world will forever live in that well of ignorance, drowning in their own limited perceptions of the world that we live in, unable to grow as humans.

It really does not seem to be getting any smarter out there.

Let’s all try to learn something new every day and try to comprehend another’s point of view on every other day just to keep in practice. It may do nothing for the world, but it may teach you something. I know I have learned things that way.

And I sincerely hope you are not tired from swimming in my metaphor.

ZappO!

If I could have anything in the world, I would want a device that would make people smarter. Lets call this imaginary device, “ZappO!”.

ZappO! is about the size of a remote control and you just point it at the stupid person that just sneezed on the scrambled eggs in the lovely breakfast buffet that you have been looking forward to all week and suddenly make them realize what an ass they really are.

The effects would wear off in just a few seconds, just long enough for them to feel as though they have had an epiphany, than go back to being oblivious to the world around them. ZappO! would be a short, sharp, mental stimulant that increases awareness for about 5 to 10 seconds before wearing off. Kind of like a slap in the face, but less painful.

It would be even better if ZappO! would work from your car. Then when that stupid bastard makes a right turn from the left lane right in front of you, you could hit him with the device and maybe he would feel like the asshole he is instead of feeling like he just got away with something.

This device needs to be affordable, but not too affordable. It should cost at least $300. Then not just every sewer rat and mouth breather would have one.

ZappO! would be great to have when the 15 year old semi retarded checkout girl at the market can’t figure out how to work the machine that scans your purchase. You could just zap her with your ZappO! and get on with your day.

ZappO! would also be handy to have when the old lady in the supermarket whips out her change purse and checkbook in the 10 items or less line when there are thirty people in line behind her. One blast from the ZappO! and she would pay with paper money or plastic instead of wasting everyone’s time by searching for that lost nickel from 1973 or trying to find her special check writing pen that her late husband gave her over two decades ago.

I would use my ZappO! on fellow workers that think I actually have time to waste on their stupid questions like, “Is it OK if I go to the outhouse?” or “Will you explain again how I am supposed to do the same thing that I have been doing all week?”

I would probably burn that damn thing out before lunch.

But it would be worth it.

What the hell happened to you?

I was just looking at my blog and realized that I have not posted in far too long. “Why?” do you ask? “Why have you not been sharing tales of ignorance and frustration with the whole of mankind?”

Don’t ask.

When I was at Sanctuary the last time the damn Internet thingy went belly up and I had NO TV (during the Balloon Fiesta)*, NO INTERNET, and NO GROUNDLINE PHONE SERVICE. (The BASTARDS!)

A cell phone call to the provider of these services left us in a bitter funk and a sense of disappointment and confusion. They said, in effect, “We show no outages in your area, so we assume that you are a complete idiot and have done something stupid and will get someone out there when WE feel like it.”

About an hour later the serviceman in our area dropped by to tell US that we had no service and that he was getting the guy that was allowed to fix these things out to fix it.

I was disgusted and packed my clean cloths and prepared to drive back to the No Internet Zone. About that time, the service guy dropped by again and told us all was well and that we were in contact with the world again.

I was already packed, so I went anyway and spent money for things to winterize the Doghouse, seeing as how I am going to be spending the winter living there. The last winter I was living in it I was cold most of the time and could feel a draft. This time I intend to make it almost airtight and the draft will just be in my mind.

So there you have it. See what you get for asking?

*I have come to the conclusion in my advanced age and general grumplitude that my going anywhere near Albuquerque during the fiesta is inviting homicide charges against me. The best way for me to feel like part of the party is to watch it from afar where I can’t get my fingers around young, stupid necks to crush the rude and boorish behavior from their ungrateful bodies.

I'm Baaaaaaaack......

I am back in Sanctuary.

I kinda missed the place, and even missed the damn dogs as well. (But don’t tell them that. They will expect me to pet them ALL the time.)

It is nice having Internet again, even if it is just for a couple of days.

The U.B. pretty much did nothing in the house for the time we were gone on vacation or since. This morning I found a coffee cup in the bottom of the sink that I left there several weeks ago. He was told to do the dishes. I actually did not expect him to do anything, but did give him an opportunity to behave like a responsible person. He failed again. (Heavy sigh)

There was mold growing on things that I used to eat from and the microwave was nurturing a new life form that fought for continued existence with a determination that was quite impressive for something so young.

I may have saved the world from global catastrophe. Move over, global warming, here comes ‘The Irradiated Creature from the Microwave’.

I am going through some personal changes these days. My new position at work is making me control my inner Troll and only let him out after work hours. I am learning, but this one is not easy. Going directly from angry white man to nurturing, sensitive new age guy is rough. But I am a dedicated new age guy that will try to do the best in the long run.

And I still have this place to let out my inner Troll.

This might work out better for all…….