Bath time

I took a bath this morning.

That’s right, a real bath, with hot running water and a big tub to soak in.

What I found disturbing, however, was the goo that I put in the water to make me clean.

It was a rather remarkable shade of green, one that never occurred in nature, and kinda reminded me of radioactive boogers.

Why in hell to the manufacturers of bath products make them in colors that make you want to go to a decontamination center? Whatever happened to the traditional off white that resembled seminal fluid? I can handle the products that resemble bodily fluids better than the ones that look like byproducts of the nuclear age.

After you get out of the tub and look back to see just how filthy you were the water should NOT have a faint glowing green tinge to it.

That’s my humble opinion and I am sticking to it.

Mongo

I used to work with one man that was really a very foolish person. (One of many, but I will just pick on this poor unfortunate one to pick on today.)

His name was Lloyd. I dubbed him ‘Mongo’, as in mongoloid.

Mongo did not like me very much. I wonder why?

(“Mongo no like Troll. Troll make fun Mongo. Make Mongo sad.”)

One day we were all required to go in to take a take a piss test for insurance reasons. He was very uneasy about the whole process and I was half convinced that he was taking some ‘stupid’ pill each and every morning just to get by.

He finally quietly asked me if benydril would show up on the test. I told him that everything would show up on the test.

He then began convincing himself that he was going to be fired for taking an over the counter medication. He was more worried than a cat at a dog show and working himself up at a rather impressive level.

I did nothing to dissuade him from this misconception. I probably even fed into his insecurities a bit.

I never told him that I am not an asshole.

What a sensitive bastard.

Young Love

There is nothing in the world as funny as teenagers in love.

They believe that their love and theirs alone is the perfect love and will last for all time.

Life can be quite romantic when someone else is paying the bills.

When the hormones wear off things look very different. The girl realizes that the boy constantly pawing at her is annoying or the boy realizing that her bitching about his needing to bathe more often is true puts a whole different perspective on love.

The bitchslap of reality is a very satisfying sound to someone like me.

I enjoy watching the young relationship grow like a flower in the sun just to be run over by the steam roller of reality in the pot hole infested road that we call everyday living.

In a very real way it is the disappointments in life that make us all human. I remember reading somewhere that ‘A man is the sum of his scars’ and believe that phrase expresses something that a lot of people are not in touch with.

Pain influences how we grow and change as much as anything. It is a direct route to behavioral change. We are hard wired to avoid pain, be it physical or emotional. (Except those freaks that like to put hot candle wax on some one’s genitals, but in that case I think the wiring got crossed up somehow.)

Without that disappointment of seeing your ‘love’ fly out the window you will never gain the perspective needed to function as a reasonable human being in society. Disappointment and change are things that you have to learn to deal with to be an adult.

We all know at least one person that never learned these lessons and is still am emotional cripple, unable to deal with what it takes to be in a relationship with all its bumps, traps, and utter let downs that happen in real life.

I believe that change is necessary to grow. Pain is instrumental to change.

That’s just the way things work.

Egg Salad

Mrs. Troll had a craving the other night. She wanted egg salad in a bad way.

She makes a very tasty egg salad. One that I would pay for if I had to and I am not a fan of the stuff.

As it turns out, the stuff is not fond of me either. I was pooting all the next day like a steam train going up a long hill with a heavy load. I could hardly walk without noxious gasses passing from my rear end. It would have been embarrassing if I had to actually work with anyone, but I have been alone.

Riding the elevator was an exercise in self control and clenched cheeks.

But the next time someone pisses me off I know what to do. I will have some egg salad and make certain that I work with them all stinkin’ day in a small room with very little ventilation.

When they complain I will tell them that I have a possibly fatal lower colon infestation just to get sympathy. When I have them feeling really bad about saying anything about my butt bubbles and my pending demise I will tell them the truth and get them all pissed of all over again.

Make the best of what you got.

Call Me Mr. Sunshine

I have been working in the New Mexico sun and it is nearly killing me.

I am of Northern European lineage and am not used to this killing sun. Yesterday the wind came up, making things feel more tolerable until the sand got to be too much and invaded parts of my body that I had forgotten I had. (It should never scratch when you wipe your ass.)

Other than that, things have been going pretty well. They were going to lay off my work partner until he convinced them that the world would be better run his way. He bought himself another day. It’s not like it is a big deal, really. He will most likely be back after a 2 to 3 day layoff. We are in construction, after all. Shit happens.

I have never understood people that are constantly trying to change the world to fit their view of how the world should be. No one person can have that much knowledge to be right all the time. Some time in your life you need to realize that there are people that know better than you and you need to just follow along with no whining.

My work partner never learned that skill. As a matter of fact, he never learned to take advantage of any opportunity to keep his mouth shut. He is always willing to interject with some weird, out of context statement, before telling anyone within hearing how things should be, or his opinion on any given subject, or why the weather would be better if he were in charge of global climate.

Add to that a particularly annoying nasal voice and you have a person that no one wants to be around, especially me. I don’t like people in general, and when I am force to spend time with this individual, I want to do something nasty to him in order to improve the species.

I have managed to restrain myself for years now and am avoiding jail time. This makes my family happy and shows that I can control my homicidal tendencies.

So from now on you can just call me Mr. Sunshine,

or not.

A public disservice message

A public disservice message

When you are living in an RV, sounds of things around you become important. The rising wind can tell you of a dangerous storm on its way. The repeated sound of a passing car might mean that someone is lost or looking for something easily thrown in the back of their car to sell for drug money. The party sounds from the space next to yours might signal that you are going to be very cranky and sleepy tomorrow. You get the idea.

Last night in addition to the party sounds, the repeated starting of some one’s broken down POS car, the racing of the engine, the subsequent stalling of the engine, and the process beginning again made for a restless night. After the thirty-eighth failed attempt in a row at getting the car moving one of my park mates decided to do something.

I heard the closing of a door and peeked through the window to see what might be going on in addition to the drinking of cheap beer and the car still not running.

He approached them, and after a brief discussion of the lack of silence in the park, he produced from the waistband of his pants a rather impressive handgun and carefully let loose with three rounds through the front of the car, piercing the radiator and blowing hell out of the windshield.

Then his voice filled the following silence, not yelling, but saying clearly and very matter of fact,” Now let’s just call it dead and let the rest of us get some sleep. OK?”

With that, he walked calmly back to his rig and closed the door quietly behind him.

Needless to say, none of us got much sleep last night.

But I do salute his actions.

I am now living in a rather ratty RV Park in Espanolia NM.

It makes more sense than driving 150 miles a day for work.

And to be honest, I need a break. The ungrateful bastards have got me on my last nerve and I don’t need to be starting fights at home all the time.

I go home on weekends and spend time with the lovely Mrs. Troll and do my best to avoid fighting with the kids and pets.

The park here has internet that will only let me get my spam but not send anything or even surf. I don’t think I will be doing much posting for the month of July.

Now I am the sensitive bastard.